Choose Connection, Not Correction
- Krisztina Harasztosi
- Oct 19
- 4 min read
Five Minutes to Change Life on Both Ends of the Leash
by Krisztina Harasztosi, CDBC — The Gibsons Dogrunner
1. What if we stopped scolding and started connecting?
Years ago, researchers studying parents at risk for child abuse tried something surprisingly simple. Instead of talking about discipline or control, they asked these parents to spend just five quiet minutes a day playing with their children with no instructions, no teaching, and no criticism.
That exercise became part of Parent–Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), created by Dr. Sheila Eyberg at the University of Florida. Those short, calm play sessions helped parents slow down, notice, and reconnect. The results were remarkable: fewer angry outbursts, calmer homes, and children who felt safe again.
When I first read about this, I couldn’t help thinking this is exactly what many dogs and their people need too.So I adapted the idea into a short, daily routine for my clients. I call it the Dog-Directed Interaction (DDI).
2. What the parenting science teaches us
PCIT has two parts. The first, Child-Directed Interaction (CDI), focuses on safety and connection. Parents follow the child’s lead using simple skills: Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, and Enjoy.The second, Parent-Directed Interaction (PDI), adds structure and clarity once trust is built. Parents are taught to replace scolding with clear, age-appropriate instructions. Instead of “Stop that!”, they might say, “Please put the block in the box.”
It works because most “defiance” isn’t about being bad. It’s about being overwhelmed, confused, or unable to self-regulate. And that’s something dogs share with kids more than most people realize.
3. How this translates to dogs
When dogs “don’t listen,” it’s rarely because they’re stubborn. They’re usually over-aroused, anxious, or unsure what to do. When frustration builds, scolding slips in and learning stops.
So I began adapting the PCIT model for dog guardians.
The first phase, DDI, helps you and your dog rediscover what calm connection feels like. The second, HDI, builds clarity and guidance once that safety is in place.
4. The 5-Minute Dog-Directed Interaction (DDI)
Goal: Strengthen your dog’s sense of safety and connection in just five minutes a day.
Setup
Keep it short, about 5 minutes
Choose a quiet, safe space
Have 10–15 soft treats nearby
Keep your body relaxed and your voice gentle
No cues or corrections, just connection
P – Praise
Dogs respond best to short, calm speech. Use a soft, reassuring tone to mark calm behaviour. “Good boy.” “Relax.” “Good job.”
R – Reflect (Reinforce Calmness on Cue)
Choose one or two soothing words: Relax, Easy, Good calm.Say them only when your dog is already relaxed so they start to mean “you’re safe.”
I – Imitate (Follow and Be With)
Walk where your dog walks. Pause when they pause. Notice what catches their attention.This isn’t about standing still, it’s about being present.
“Good job.” “Keep it up.” “Good sniff.”You’re letting your dog know you see and value what matters to them.
D – Describe (Engage and Observe)
When your dog notices something like a sound, a person, or another dog, name it calmly.
“That’s a dog.” “That’s a car.” "That`s Joe" When they glance back or stay calm, mark and treat.You’re showing them it’s okay to notice the world without reacting. Over time, they learn: look → stay calm → reward.
E – Enjoy
End on a positive note. Try a Find It scatter, gentle petting, or quiet cuddle.
Low key game.
End of Session
After five minutes, say “All done,” scatter a few treats, and walk away quietly.It’s not about doing more, it’s about doing it regularly.
5. From Connection to Clarity
Once your dog feels safe, you can begin the next step, Handler-Directed Interaction (HDI).This phase isn’t about control, it’s about clarity.
Instead of “No jumping!”Try setting up barriers and rewarding “four on the floor.”
Instead of “Come here!” when your dog ignores you, shorten the distance, help with the leash, and reward a turn toward you.
Instead of “Stop it!”, toss a few treats to the ground to lower arousal, then try again.
These shifts prevent frustration and replace scolding with supportive guidance.
6. Why this works
Emotional regulation has to come before learning for dogs and for us.When your dog feels safe, they can think. When you feel calm, you communicate better.The result is a feedback loop of mutual trust.
That’s, also, the foundation of my
C.A.L.M. Pathway: Connection & Calm → Awareness & Avoidance → Learning new behaviours → Managed exposure.
7. Final Thoughts
Real change doesn’t always start with obedience or drills. More often it starts with five quiet minutes, breathing, noticing, and being together.When you follow instead of fix, and observe instead of correct, you teach your dog that calm isn’t demanded, it’s shared.
The Dog-Directed Interaction (DDI), Engage and Observe (E&O), and Handler-Directed Interaction (HDI) models are canine adaptations of Parent–Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), originally developed by Dr. Sheila Eyberg at the University of Florida.Adapted and written for dog guardians by Krisztina Harasztosi, CDBC — The Gibsons Dogrunner.
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